On Furaffinity I asked if I have to stop to draw because I'm not feeling happy when I draw and a lot of people replied "absolutely not, take a break if you want, but don't stop to draw, it's silly".
I made a decision for now: I will not draw anything for me, I'll just draw for other people. Why?
Because it seems that I feel anger only when I draw for myself, when I draw something I like. This for porn and clean art, even if this is more evident with adult art.
Why do I feel anger? Mostly because I'm not able to draw what I want in the way I want. Mostly because I like too much what I'm drawing that even a little mistake makes me disappointed, and trying to fix it repeatedly makes me angry.
Also, there's a lot of things bugging me, the most important are:
I see other people improving while I don't, I see people attending art school/courses while I can't. I'm still angry because my parents didn't help me to attend an art school/course but they, instead, thwarted me. I need people near me to draw with and to do art trades. I need people that like what I like.
I'm starting to see myself as second rate artist while my few friends are slowly becoming excellent artists.
Also, I can't forgive my parents and I hate them because of this situation.
Also, I hate myself for thinking those things.

I started to draw because I wanted to change the world trough my art, but recently it was to give vent to my feelings. Adult art was a way to express things I can't feel and express in real life.
But now... I can feel only anger when it comes to draw things for me. And from anger nothing good can born.

So I made a decision, for now, I will draw pictures for other people only, because I am not emotionally involved in pictures for other people.
I think it's good for now... better than don't draw anymore.
Please forgive me.

On a related note, today is my birthday. I'm 26 year old now.
I would like to receive a lot of gifts, I would like to receive a lot of GOOD gifts. I would like to receive a lot of art depicting the characters I like.
I know I'm egoist, because I didn't do anything for other people, but It can't be helped, I can't stop to feel it.
I would have liked to go out for a pizza with my friends and chat like silly people as always, but we can't meet because of a lot of reasons.

Again, thank you for reading me and supporting me.
I'm writing those things because I need to exercise myself with English and I promised myself to don't keep my feelings inside me, because it can only destroy me and friendship with my friends.
So, please forgive me if I suddenly changed.
This is a changing time for me.

Thank you very much for your support,
Aledon Rex